=Unleashing

Hey,

So I’m sweating up a storm. This morning I got up and went to take my InDesign test for computer graphics, came back, took a long nap, then went to take my Photography finale. I have faith in my ability to not fail either of these classes. Tomorrow I need to move all the crap in my dorm to home before noon (checkout time) so I thought today I could pack as much crap up as I possibly can and maybe, possibly, get out of here today.

Basically I’ve been running up and down the stairs, washing and packing clothing, getting things into bulging suitcases. I still have a lot of stuff that is going to have to wait for the last minute to be packed up, like my computer and my fish.

Also I’d like to warn everyone I’m not sure what my Internet status will be over this month. My mom called and basically said as soon as my dad got his trailer set up I need to get out of the house. Why, because she’s letting her other divorcee friend live with her and giving her my room. It’s very ironic because before I graduated she said I would get a room so I could come home whenever I wanted but now she’s basically contradicting herself. The reason I’m not sure of my internet status is 1) I don’t know if my dad is putting his trailer in town or at the farm and 2) if he puts it in town they will have to hook the internet up and if he puts it at the farm there won’t be any Internet at all.

So far I think it’s not ready to live in, so I’ll get to go to my real room for a while. I’m just a little torked about all this.

Good news is *Sephy117 is going to help me order a custom made computer. 8D It’s going to be rather powerful, but we’re using the same hard drive because I love the feel of the one I have too much. We’re just getting basically everything else brand new. The best part is this new, much more powerful, custom is going to be half the price of when I bought this retail computer brand new.

So I am excited for that. When it happens which will have to be sometimes this month if I want it for college.

~JLM

Today was probably the most horrible day of my life.





My dad came to Minot to day to bring his mom, who has cancer (remember?) to the hospital to get this thing in her chest that helps the doctors give her medicine and take blood.

So he told me after we went out to eat that he had bad news. Apparently he found my dog dead; someone had hit him on the road that goes through our yard.

I've cried so much today it feels like my head is about to explode. I got Patch right before my dad died; we even brought him with us to the funeral because we didn't trust leaving the little puppy at home when my (step)dad was busy.

Since I've gone to college I always make sure I see him when I visit the house and snuggle him and tell him that I love him. It's going to be so hard to go home and not have him be there anymore.

I brought him with me when I got kicked out of the house. I brought him with me when there were the prairie fires and I thought we were going to lose our home. I can't explain how much I loved this dog. I got him after I lost my cat, and he was my first dog I've ever had.

I can't explain the pain I feel right now. I've never hurt so much in my life. He was the only friend that was with me during my senior year of high school; everyone else either left or completely ignored me.

This isn't the first time one of our dogs have gotten hit and killed, but this time hurts so much more. This was my baby and whoever hit him left him lying on the road. When my mother's dog Rocky got hit the person stopped and said they were sorry. Whatever shithead killed my dog couldn't give a fuck and it pisses me off. There is no excuse for them.

This just...hurts so much. I thought it was bad enough that my parents are getting divorced and my grandma has cancer...but I just lost my dog who I love so much.

I don't know what else to say. I'm obviously not doing well right now.

~JLM
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Edit

I want to thank all the people who have or are probably in the future going to leave their condolences. It helps a lot knowing that people care and that there are a lot of people that know what it's like and can share their feelings.

I feel bad not going around replying to every person, but honestly some of the comments I don't know what to say. It's not that I don't care and that I don't feel grateful for the comments; they've helped me so much. It's only that right now there isn't really anything for me to say, because I know that nothing I say will really change much.

I know some people that talk to me are going to notice I'm a little more normal from the other day. I can't function right now if it's all I think about. I don't want to put it out of my mind. I do want to be sad about it, because I think the more it hurts the more it shows how important it was for me.

Anyways, I think everyone gets my point. I'm not exactly...better. I'm just not freaking out as much anymore. :B

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. It helped so much.

~JLM

Watch

Every time I watch it my grammar gets worse.

Wow.

For once I have all my role-plays replied to at this very moment.

That's...7 role-plays. I think.

Wow.